Because a woman’s appearance is typically the initial motive, men sometimes have a hard time filtering out their sexual fixation when giving a compliment. And, no matter how confident the man, approaching a beautiful woman with a meaningful, original compliment is a challenge. Men don’t want to seem to desperate by sputtering out something rehearsed and cliche but there’s only so much you can say when you don’t know a person.
If you’re in a public place and want to start a conversation, your instincts might tell you to conjure up an on-the-spot compliment which can be stressful. A good alternative would be to compliment something or someone else in the room. Complimenting another woman might seem absurd but doesn’t have to be if you approach it correctly. Casually stating another woman’s “outfit is classy” might actually strike the interest of the actual woman you desire, especially if she possesses the same quality. She’ll likely take comfort in the notion that you’re recognizing a quality in another person that’s meaningful to her.
Another option is to say something positive about the general atmosphere of the place. If it’s a coffee shop, you might say, “It’s so peaceful here today,” and if you add on something like…”not that I hate noise,” then you’re in neutral because she can’t entirely pin you as a recluse or the frat boy type.
- Avoid anything with a sexual undertone, unless of course, you’re only after sex and get the vibe that she might be on the same page. This is risky but don’t have much to lose if you’re just after a fast roll-in-the-hay.
Complimenting a woman’s body or looks the first time you meet is never a good way to start and will almost always lead to the eye-roll. If she’s especially good-looking, complimenting her beauty might make her angry or dismissive since she’s probably been approached by enough shallow men who couldn’t come up with much more than a shallow compliment. This offends some women because these types of compliments are “loaded” with sexually aggressive undertones, almost as if to suggest that she is trying hard to be beautiful because she wants to have sex. Even if you’re honestly looking for something serious, beauty and sex have been packaged together for too long, it’s hard to focus on one without seemingly suggesting the other.
Whatever you do say, try to be casual, as if it’s in passing. This way you don’t seem pushy, and she’s not forced into a reply.
By Jeff Shallow